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An unapologetic reality check for gay men

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Unable to handle myself [May. 13th, 2013|08:05 pm]
An unapologetic reality check for gay men

brendan_lyons
Recently I have gotten involved with the online scene. Started off as a bit of an experiment really, as I was in an open relationship when I first signed up. Chatted to a few people, went on a few dates, nothing went anywhere. Then I drifted back to being single, and since then I've become a lot more obsessive about finding someone.

For me, its become like a compulsion. I know I'll be moving to London in a few months, where there'll be plenty of opportunity to meet people, out in bars and clubs (which aren't really an option where I live at the moment). But as much as I try and rationalise it, it's apparent that my hormones and moods are pretty out of control at the moment, and all this online stuff is just feeding it. I've only had a few online chats so far, but my mind is obsessing over guys I've never even met, triggering a lot of mood swings and anxiety, which is not healthy, especially since I've got exams coming up. I have seen a number of GPs and have had Cognitive Behavioural Therapy for emotional issues in the past. I keep having it drummed into my head that it's just my development, and in a few years everything will just blow over, but there's always something eating away at my brain - I don't know if it's guilt, or shame, or lack of fulfilment - and I worry that this is just another manifestation of it. Without going into too much detail, there's been separation and conflict between my parents, as well as bullying, which I think has raised insecurities. I've been prone to self-harm one or two times, but nothing life-threatening.

Ultimately, I would like to meed a nice guy to settle down with and love in the way that I want to, but I need to overcome all this mental shit first. I fear more therapy will only lead me on the path of no avail. I want to help myself, but people won't take me seriously because I 'seem' normal on the surface and apparently haven't hit 'rock bottom' yet. They're only prepared to deal with you properly when you hit your lowest ebb.

Perhaps I should take myself off these sites until I sort myself out. Ideally I just wanted a few no strings meets, like most of the other gay guys out there, but I don't seem emotionally capable - it always seems to end in see-sawing moods, paranoia and rejection anxiety. I'm getting sick of it now, and I wonder if it's just me who has these problems. I also question if anyone would be able to put up with me because of it.

Maybe I'm not good enough to meet the right guy.
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Have an opinion.....good. [Apr. 28th, 2013|02:35 am]
An unapologetic reality check for gay men

ss_interject
Originally posted by ss_interject at Have an opinion.....good.

And yet again the debate over gay marriage hits the media and again we hear the comments from both sides of the fence. I don't really understand the actual reason behind the need to actually FIGHT it though... No one is saying you can't have an opinion. Support it? Great! Don't support it? - cool, you don't have to waive the gay flag and march through the city....

Read more...Collapse )

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The old, bad, and new [Apr. 26th, 2013|12:00 pm]
An unapologetic reality check for gay men

chamcha
Bottom line: my last relationship (lasted about 2.5 years) ended abruptly when I discovered he was cheating. Flash forward 3 years and I'm in a new relationship (going on 6 months) with a great guy but I'm having trouble with trust issues. Is this normal? What should I do to regain trust?

Brutal honestly appreciated. Come at me sisters.


ETA: Thanks for the replies so far. Perhaps one relevant piece of information is that I found out he was browsing Craigslist m4m ads a couple months ago. I asked him about it and he said he just did it to j/o, which - if true - I'm fine with...keyword: "if."
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Moderating submissions [Aug. 30th, 2012|01:50 pm]
An unapologetic reality check for gay men

esprix
Although we do have moderated membership, in an effort to stem an ever-increasing tide of spam and spambot accounts, all new posts will be submitted for moderator approval first. We'll get to them quickly, don't worry, but I just wanted everyone to know. Thanks!
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MODERATOR'S NOTE - Spam [May. 26th, 2012|10:14 pm]
An unapologetic reality check for gay men

esprix
[Tags|]

I see there have been a few spam replies to people's posts. If you see one, or get notification that one's been posted, please contact me, tenchichan or dom_ino - do not delete it, because we need to be able to use the post to delete and ban the user from the community, and then we'll delete the post.

Otherwise, keep posting your questions! :)
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boy help [Dec. 7th, 2011|03:18 pm]
An unapologetic reality check for gay men

chamcha
there's this guy i dated a little over the summer, then suddenly we had a falling apart -- i wasn't too sure why, but i'm pretty sure i did something to offend him. we've since begun talking again, and i definitely still have feelings for him.

i've been in two relationships before (one 16 months and the other 11) and dated plenty guys, but i don't know what it is about this one that has kept me from being interested in anyone else since i met him. is this pathetic? unhealthy? should i just forget about him or wait for him to express interest? one rather huge problem is that i'm still living with my ex (long story), which he knows, so even if he were interested, i'm not exactly in a dating-friendly position at the moment.

my intuition tells me he's not interested anymore; he's just very characteristically friendly. but my emotions really don't want to believe this. so what would you do in my or his position?
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Where to look [Oct. 4th, 2011|01:04 pm]
An unapologetic reality check for gay men

esprix
[mood |curiouscurious]

Having recently been dumped after an 8-year relationship, I find myself back in the dating pool, and it seems quite a bit has changed therein, specifically related to technology and social networking. So, to that end, I ask you all: Where/how are you meeting new people? Hooking up, dating, friends, community, whatever, I'm curious to know what networking tools/strategies gay men are really using these days.

I'm kind of thinking of these in specific categories, so here's what I'm aware of and/or used both in the past and recently:

Smartphone apps:
  • Grindr
  • Adam4Adam RADAR
  • Jack'd
  • BoyAhoy
  • Maleforce
  • Manhunt
  • Gaydar

Online:
  • Gay.com personals & chat
  • Manhunt.net
  • Adam4Adam.com
  • Craigslist.org
  • Yahoo personals
  • AOL chat rooms

In person:
  • Bars/clubs
  • Community groups
  • Friends of friends
  • Yahoo Groups
  • Google Groups
  • Meetup.com

For the record I'm hardly new at the dating/relationship game, but having been out of practice for so long I'm just covering my bases making sure I haven't missed anything obvious, looking for tips and tricks (ha!), and hopefully coming up with ideas for other folks to use to expand both their dating and social circles.
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i'm not a slut, i promise. [Aug. 23rd, 2011|09:40 am]
An unapologetic reality check for gay men

chamcha
i need some advice about a sticky situation i've embedded myself into. my friends have given me crap advice like i should play mind games with this guy, etc.

so here's what happenedCollapse )

how should i proceed? i want him to know that i do like him and i'm not just trying to sleep with him, which i'm pretty sure is what he thinks. under normal circumstances i would wait for him to contact me if he were interested in seeing me, but i'm not sure if this is going to happen. should i bite the bullet and tell him this? ask to meet and just talk? wait for him to make a move?


SCRATCH THAT! just talked to him. shut it down. thank you all.
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Question with online dating [May. 28th, 2011|10:57 am]
An unapologetic reality check for gay men

cuddlykindalove
[mood |bitchybitchy]
[music |Beck-Brother]

Hi guys, i'll keep this short and get to the point, i have a friend i met in an online dating site, apparently he's manic depressive and he wanted to kill himself cause he couldn't find the right guy. apparently i'm like WTF?, asshole, and now, he's proceeded to go straight cause he can't find a guy. which is totally stupid, but he's where it gets confusing: he put on his profile that he's straight, but he's still looking for gay guys only.

this tells me that he's both desperate, and/or confused.

I know this post is pointless, but i just wanted some feedback on the sitch. so, be as brutally honest as you's like. BTW: he's a total hoittie. so that's what makes it tougher.
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Left side pain? [Apr. 24th, 2011|05:20 pm]
An unapologetic reality check for gay men
the_soap_guy
Hello, I am 23 and am concerned about some recent things I did leading to possible health problems.  First of all, I'm kind of new to the whole anal sex thing and recently did it a few times over the past couple weeks.  I was the bottom and it was painful for a little bit but then it got better after a few seconds.  When I get home, though, I feel queasy so I go into the bathroom and end up shitting out a little bit of blood like diarrhea.  Not a lot, but the only thing that was in the toilet was like a teaspoon of blood.  A week or so later, I do it again and don't shit out any blood... and, uh, sorry if this post is kind of graphic by the way... but I notice that there's some blood in parts of my shit.  Now I don't really think anything of it because I feel like a lot of people bleed when they do it... but then again I'm not totally sure?

But now I have this strange pain in the left side of my stomach under my ribs.  It doesn't hurt that much, but when I take a deep breath, I feel something hurt for a few seconds and I'm kind of freaking out.  I Googled what this could be and am thinking I might have ulcerative colitis?  Am I jumping the gun or should I get this checked out at the doctor's immediately?

Thanks for the help...
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